Mastering Difficult Conversations: A Four-Step Guide
Most people are conflict avoidant and don't have the unique set of skills to have difficult conversations successfully.
What's the last conflict you have experienced? Conflict avoidance is a person's method of reacting to a situation that brings up uncomfortable feelings—resulting directly in avoiding or confronting the issue at hand. Conflict avoidance often leads to failure to communicate effectively, loss of talent, loss of relationships, and loss of revenue. When you learn to shift from a conflict to a conversation, you are stepping from a Win-Lose mentality to a Win-Win mindset. According to CPP Inc., the Myers-Briggs Assessment and the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument found that 85 percent of U.S. employees deal with conflict on some level.
Identifying the signs of conflict avoidance can include:
Changing the subject
Stonewalling, refusing to communicate or cooperate
Denying an issue exists by ignoring it / Avoidance
Putting off a discussion until later, or simply not bringing it up
Fear of disappointing others
Silently resenting others for unresolved issues
When it comes to succeeding in business, senior leaders and mid-level managers are dealing with more than just running the quarterly/annual strategy for the organization; they also cultivate a culture where the company is building on communication or dismantling it, which results in an avoidance culture.
To move forward with effective communication skills, it begins with identifying where you are as an employee to the organization, team leader, or as the greatest asset that the business has.
Using a win-win negotiation strategy, where there is an equal advantage, there must be ground rules set to communicating the individual interest and the group's interest; that compromise and cooperation must be more or at least as significant as personal stakes.
Try these techniques for having success with difficult conversations:
Separate the people from the issue. What is the impact of not reaching out and bridging the gap? Another broken relationship? An employee who will likely quit? You have to be willing to move beyond the story you have played out in your mind about the players involved and step back beyond the feelings keeping you apart. It takes a commitment from all the parties involved to continuously move forward in alignment with what you want to create.
Focus on interests, not positions. It is about listening and understanding a common unifying goal. Focus on what the interests are as a team, cohort, partnership, or one-on-one relationship and not solely on your stance or stake in the matter. If you claim that you are willing to have a voice in coming together, then also be ready and willing to have an open mind, think of options for mutual gain.
Use objective criteria. Objective criteria are factual information, independent of the parties, relevant to what happened. Avoid getting into the story of the moment. Aim for how you experienced it because that could be the root of the matter. This opens you up to recognize a miscommunication or a misinterpretation and an opportunity to come together in a win-win understanding.
Think about different alternatives to what you want to achieve. What is your BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement)? Think about what could be an alternative to coming together in a mutual agreement of respect and compromise? If one is compromising, then what is the other contributing? This is not a one-way street, or you are back at the impasse. If you are coming to the table expecting the other to hear you, you must also be open and willing to hear them out. Hearing someone out doesn't mean letting them talk as you stay firm on your choice does not equate to creating a win-win scenario.
The research shows that the key to effectively managing conflict is developing skills and mindset. CPP reports these statistics about workplace conflict management training:
57% of employees in the U.S. had some conflict training.
95% of those with training said it helped them find favorable conflict resolutions.
58% of individual contributors with training looked for win-win solutions to actual conflicts.
The most crucial factor to consider is developing and transforming the mindset companies value and appreciate team members who can come to the table with a win-win strategy in one which all the parties benefit and come out winning. EQ Refined trainings lead directly to achieving positive outcomes from conflict situations.
Get in touch with EQ Refined now to explore how our training can benefit your organization.